This morning, my neighbor and I went on a two-hour paddle board ride. It was awesome. We discussed how we both stay away from many of the ‘mom’ groups because of the caddy negative energy. It reminded me of one of my biggest focus’; to surround myself with positive, upbeat, driven individuals. It is no secret that who you spend time with- you become like. There are some simple, yet difficult ways we can work toward the goal of not surrounding ourselves with assholes and life suckers:
1- Don’t invite everyone into your life. Your mind, your body, your family is your sacred place. It is not something you want everyone to walk all over. This is not to say you shut the doors to your world and wallow in it, but you take care and consideration into who you let in to affect your thinking, your behavior or to influence you and your loved ones.
2- You can’t make everyone happy. I have a hard time with this one sometimes and have to constantly remind myself of this. When I used to own a couple children’s art studios, I especially found this out the hard way. I could not make every parent or child happy, no matter what I did. It was debilitating sometimes until I just let it sink in: I CANNOT MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY. Period. I can only make myself happy, and if I have good, honest intentions in what I am doing, then that is the direction I will head and make peace with that.
3- Don’t feed it. This morning, on our paddle board trip, I mentioned that at the local dance studio, while in the waiting area, I would listen to moms speak horribly of other women, that probably thought they were friends with. When one of those moms would turn to me to start a conversation, I literally got up and moved. Yes, yes I did. I don’t feed garbage at this point in my life. I have no intention of giving attention to people who want to speak awful of others. I only have so many hours of a day, I refuse to spend it talking crap about someone else, or especially, listening to someone else talk shit. No thanks. And guess what happens when you don’t feed it? It goes away. IT may talk about you now, sure, but do you really care? They would have either way, now you just won’t know or care.
4- Own it. One lesson I try to teach all of my kids is this: own your crap. Own the good, own the bad, but own it. If I make a mistake, I do my best to own it. Yesterday my dad called me to tell me he had lied to me about something. I was so proud of him cause I know how hard it is for all of us to lie and then try to admit it, hoping the other person won’t resent or hate you. When something bad in your life happens, don’t blame others (do you blame others when something good happens?); own it and move on. Blame, entitlement, self-righteousness; all of it leads to emptiness. Do your best to not allow others to blame you too. If they do, see numbers two and three, and probably number one.
5- Find your happy place. My happy place is outside most of the time. Usually on a trail. Sometimes it is in a yoga class. Sometimes on my meditation cushion. Sometimes with a book or curled up in bed (and probably with a glass of wine). Find your happy place and go there when needed and able. Don’t look for happiness in other people, look for it in yourself first, and then surround yourself with people who are inspiring and up-lifting.